design constraints

My favorite intellectuals are the ones with natural science chops.

I came to grad school to get a livelihood (via the design world).

And I came to become a better intellectual, 
by honing empirical and technical analytical tools.

And I came to become more useful for change.

Will any of these goals be met? This afternoon it all seems to be in serious doubt.

I hear the first year is constant battle with existential dread (of the Kafka-esque bureaucratic flavor) anyhow.

I've never been good with delay of gratification.

All I really want to do is teach and learn with dissident intellectuals. 
I can't recall anything ever making me feel more alive.

I heard that relationships succeed and fail based on the compatibility between
• How we like to express care, and
• How our interlocutor recognizes care.

Dissident intellectuals might be the only ones who really recognize the way I express care.

Maybe I came to grad school to increase my ability to convene an audience. 

It's almost enough to wish I had never encountered SfDaS.
The contrast with everything else is unbearable.
But that's probably my blood sugar crashing.